It's funny that my post title includes I AM because that is exactly what I've been finding and learning. I know I haven't posted much lately and I think it is because I feel like people might be tired of me talking about Andrew. I worry they think I should just get over it and move on. That's what led me to what I want to share now.
Back at the beginning of January, Natalia and I joined a bible study led by my awesome friend, Sarah Holley, who is a gifted speaker and writer. The study is called Finding I AM, written by Lysa TerKeurst, and it is about the seven I AM statements Jesus makes during his ministry as recorded in the book of John. When I got the invitation from Sarah I immediately thought Yes! I was searching for something, feeling a bit lost in my faith, and thought this might be the perfect answer. As the first day drew closer I started imaging reasons I would have to cancel. I could have come up with a dozen reasons why I couldn't make it after all, but I am really glad I joined. There are five of us in the group and I fully believe this was God's perfect plan as the more intimate group allowed me to open up with my grief. These women have been amazing in letting me say whatever I wanted and would listen to my story with compassionate hearts. I am truly blessed to have been included.
Now, for what I have learned. The theme of the bible study is how Jesus is the only one who can fully satisfy the cry of your heart. In examining the cry of my heart, I really just want to understand why Andrew died. What is my lesson in all of it? I realize now that I might never know, but I have to trust that God is at work. Faith. Yep, that is what it takes.
This week Sarah and Katherine taught me something I had long forgotten and presented it in a way I really understood. Prepare for mind blow here (though you may already know this story):
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were brought before King Nebuchadnezzar because they would not bow down to worship his god or idols of gold. The King told them if they did not worship they would be thrown into the fire and then he asked what god could save them then. The three replied they did not need to defend their God to the King, that he was mighty and could save them from the fire if He wanted too. But then here it is, the best part and only two simple words...even if. Daniel, chapter 3, verse 18, "but even if he does not...,". So they knew God could rescue them from the fire but told the King that even if God didn't rescue them they would still not worship the King.
Wow, powerful, right? I am learning that even if I never understand I must trust God is at work, even in what I perceive to be silence or unanswered prayer.
To learn more about Lysa and her teachings, you can check out her Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/OfficialLysa/