1,000 Days and a Broken Cross

Today is going to be hard.  This day, 12/19/2018, marks 1,000 days since Andrew died.  It somehow seems significant and worthy of a mention.  There have been more than 1,000 tears shed, more than 1,000 times I've thought of him, and more than 1,000 reasons I miss him.  But there is also a reason he died when he did and while I might not know God's plan, I have to continue to trust Him.  It's one of the hardest things to do but the knowledge that I will see him again in heaven is what keeps me hanging on.  Later today I'll be with my work family celebrating Christmas so hopefully that will take my mind off of it.

On to the cross.  Last week something happened and the cross Andrew's friends placed at the intersection of his accident was broken.  It appears there was another accident as there are tire tracks and skid marks along the sidewalk and grass as well as a broken Chevron sign.  I pray no one was injured as a result.  Here are the pictures of what was left.

 

 

Matt went and retrieved it, so I currently have it at home.  There is really no way to repair it.  We talked about what we should do and both agreed we are okay with not putting another one back up.  Some of you may be upset by that and I want to be understanding of your reasons for wanting it there but I also hope you understand mine.  I often feel guilty that I don't visit more or take flowers more often.  I see it every day when I drive to work and again when I drive home.  It's on the route I take anytime I head that direction, for shopping, movies, Swarm games, etc.  So it is a constant reminder of my loss.  Andrew is also not there.  He isn't buried there and even if his body was buried somewhere he's still in heaven, having a great time.  I am eternally grateful his friends thought enough of him to mark the site where he died and if someone else wants to put one back up I will understand.  Like I said earlier it has been 1,000 days since he died and while I will continue to mourn for the rest of my life, I would prefer to remember him in happier times and not be consumed with reminders of grief and sadness.  Don't get me wrong, I will still have my moments and I appreciate when you all recognize that and either let me talk about him or let me be alone, but as I drove through that intersection yesterday, and knew the cross wasn't there, I didn't look over to see it and it was the first time I could remember not dreading the intersection.

Grief is different for everyone and what affects me may not affect someone else the same way.  So again, if anyone feels compelled to replace the cross I will understand and support you.  Thank you as always for listening (or reading) my ramblings and for your love and support.

Merry Christmas to all!