Grief

It's sneaky.  Some days I think I am going along just fine and then it hits hard, like a slap in the face.  In those moments I think I'll never know true happiness again.  I don't want to be stuck here, sad and depressed.  I like laughing, I always have.  I like hearing other people laugh and telling stories that make them laugh so hard it causes them to spew drinks. I don't like having people avoid me because they don't know what to say (although truthfully there are some people I don't mind avoiding all together).

My head knows God has a plan, my heart isn't fully there yet and it longs to see Andrew's face, his smile, and hear his laugh.  I want to hug him and tell him I love him.  I want to talk about work and the traumas he has seen coming into the emergency room.  I want to hear about his time at the park with Zeus,  I want to be mad he left dishes in the sink.  I want to be frustrated he'd rather be playing video games than watch a movie with me.  Instead I'm suffering in the silence of the house and mad he isn't here to take out the trash.

Stupid motorcycle.