So memories are a
wonderful thing...they remind you of the hilarious times you had with family
and friends. They can take you back to a point in time when you were
happy. They can also take you right back to the darkest days of your
life. That's what happened to me today. I woke up feeling fine,
headed to my first day back to work since returning from Orlando, where Matt
and I (along with Alex and Starla) went to escape being in Georgia on the day
Andrew died. I should have taken one more day of vacation. It
didn't occur to me when planning that this day would actually be much harder to
"remember". This is the day that one year I spoke at Andrew's
memorial service. I was reminded of this with Facebook memories.
No parent should ever
have to memorialize their child. That said, it was also my greatest
honor. To share thoughts, memories, and the hopes and dreams about Andrew
was also a blessing. I got to brag on him without anyone rolling their eyes.
But it was, without question, the most difficult day of my life. To
recall it today and remember the pain I was feeling brought me right back to
the sadness and grief. I cried as I thought about how the day played out.
I remember being so frustrated I couldn't get it together to get to the
funeral home ahead of the other guests. I had to send Matt to get some
cash to pay people because I had not done that prior. I guess I just had
too much going on and I just didn't really want to have to do any of it.
Today these came up in my Facebook
memories and while I would have preferred to never have to speak at a service
for my son, I am so thankful for my friends who celebrated Andrew with me and
continue to do so.
I feel compelled to
tell you about my friend Lori Carson. She is lots of things, sarcastic,
hilarious, kind, gentle and loving. Today she had to put her 20 year old son
Andrew to rest, he was killed in an accident on Thursday. Today the chapel was
filled to the brim with people who love her and her boys. Today, as sad and
heartbreaking as this loss is, my friend was AMAZING! She made everyone laugh,
cry, sob and laugh again. She held it together like a champ and I know Andrew
was so proud of her. Today she portrayed strength and honor. She stood up there
in front of a room full of mourners and made everyone feel Gods peace and love.
I am in awe and am honored to call her my friend....I love you Lori!
Lori
Carson I am truly in awe of the strength you showed today. You
are a very strong woman. I am blessed to know you.
Today I witnessed the
real and true strength of mother. God Bless you Lori Lori
Carson
Then, the other
memories on this day, all seemed to be about Andrew as well.
From 2012 - I posted
about falling and busting my already bad knee just as Andrew and I were set to
leave for London(spring break) to visit my brother and his family.
From 2013 - My car
turned 100,000 miles on the way to Andrew's lacrosse game.
From 2014 - I posted
about his new furniture because he was graduating high school and would
eventually be moving to his first apartment.
From 2015 - I was an
empty nester, he had officially moved out.
Then the dreaded March
28, 2016, when I had my final goodbye speech to Andrew. Rough day then, rough
today. But the difference with today - I don't feel the same hopelessness
I remember this time last year. I know I will see him again, I just miss
him now. I know he is with God and I know God is with me.
Thank you to everyone
for continuing to love and support me...and letting my cry or ramble when I
need too.
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