Well, it's been almost a year since Andrew's crash. Friday will mark the 365th day without him. Over the past year I have experienced much sadness and truly gut-wrenching grief. My heart has literally hurt and I've cried gallons of tears. I've experience some of the darkest days that I could have never imagined before his death. I lost my youngest, my baby, my friend, my son. Matt lost his brother, my siblings lost a nephew, my dad lost a grandson, my aunts and uncles lost a great-nephew, others lost a friend, and the world lost an amazingly brilliant young man. Heaven gained an angel.
Through all the sadness, pain, grief, guilt, ugly crying, and sorrow there were many things I didn't lose. From family and friends came an abundance of support and love. Because of these people I made it through this first year. These are the ones who stuck with me and let me talk endlessly and tell the same stories or share the same memories over and over again. They called, sent cards, stopped by, invited me places, donated for the trauma room dedication, and most importantly prayed for me. In short, I found the truest love from people when I needed it most. This was a God "thing". I'm always amazed at how he works.
As this next year without Andrew begins, I am going to try and focus on being more grateful, finding the blessings, and restoring joy in my life. I'll still share memories of Andrew and invite you to do the same, but I also want to share how my hope and joy have been restored. I am reconnecting with my faith and while I have a long way to go it is thrilling and I get excited and want to tell everyone I know when God shows me something new.
So in losing Andrew I am also Finding God...again.