Tuesday, June 21, 2016

The Service

Well, it's been just over 12 weeks since Andrew's crash.  Just 89 days.  In those 89 days I've had a lot of time to remember, reflect, and reminisce. I still haven't reasoned it all out in my heart or my head, but I will trust God has a plan.  I can say I am not crying every day now.  I can talk about Andrew without tearing up every time.  I can smile when I remember so I know I am healing.  As I have learned in counseling, time will make it easiER but it will never be easy.

That said, I think I can finally talk about the service we had for Andrew.  It was Monday, March 28th and it was a beautiful day.  It was the kind of day where Andrew would have loved riding his bike.  It was clear and sunny with just the slightest breeze blowing.  Andrew worked in the emergency room at Gwinnett Medical Center and his shift was Monday - Friday from 7:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.  So the folks who knew him best also worked that shift.  For that reason I planned his service for 4:00 p.m. so those who wanted could come without having to take time off.  Selfishly, as a mother, I wondered if there would be any flowers or people who would come.  I knew family and our closest friends would be there, but I also wanted people who knew and loved Andrew (even the ones I didn't know) to come.  I wanted to know he mattered to people beyond the ones I knew.  Immediate family gathered in the room where we had visitation while our pastor, Allen Taylor, prayed for us.  Then began that dreadful walk into the chapel for the service.  It's the walk no mother should ever have to take.  My legs felt like jello, my stomach in knots, and my heart truly and completely broken.  Matt was my rock and as we entered the chapel I realized there were more people than there were pews.  Andrew had a standing room only crowd!  I was completely overwhelmed and humbled.  I remember whispering to Matthew several times that I didn't think I could do this.  We sat down and my sister's fiance, Robert Palmour, played and sang the Steven Curtis Chapman song, With Hope. The lyrics are powerful and completely perfect for how I was feeling.  Here is the first verse and chorus:



This is not at all

How we thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say and nothing we can do
Can take away the pain, the pain of losing you
But we can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye
Is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
There's a place where we'll see you face, again.


Then Allen opened us with a prayer and introduced me.  Matt was going to speak after me and I asked him to escort me up there as I was unsure if my legs were going to support me.  I really didn't think I could make it through without blubbering uncontrollably, so I needed him with me.

I thanked everyone for coming and reminded them that anyone who had ever been to a bible study with me already knew my spiritual gift was sarcasm and that was what I would use to get through this.  Then I asked for those who had honored Andrew by wearing shorts to please stand.  You see, Andrew didn't just like wearing shorts, he truly believed they were the only acceptable apparel when not working.  He wore them everyday to school, even when there was snow on the ground.  Many people stood.  I then asked for those who were truly honoring him by going commando to remain standing.  Only a few remained standing - with much laughter from those who had come to the service.

I then began my true rambling, going on and on about Andrew, telling story after story.  I could have talked for hours, and at times it felt like I had.  I wanted people to know he was smart, fiercely competitive, and deeply loved.  If they didn't know him personally, I wanted them to leave wishing they had known him.  

Matt also told stories of Andrew and shared memories of them growing up - always competing - but also growing closer as they got older.  It truly warms a mother's heart when she sees her children loving each other.  Having never lost a sibling (praise the Lord) I struggle with helping Matt cope with losing Andrew.  I think Matt worries about me while I worry about him.  I pray daily for his healing.

Then my brother Chris spoke.  Andrew was often compared to Chris in both looks and smarts.  Andrew idolized Chris and really respected him.  Chris shared his deep guilt over giving Andrew access to the money that bought the (stupid) motorcycle.  But I want Chris to be free of any guilt.  The truth is Andrew always got what he wanted.  When he decided he wanted a motorcycle, he would have gotten it no matter what.

Our good friends, Andrew and Ashley Spikes then sang I Can Only Imagine, by Mercy Me.  Another deeply powerful song, with lyrics that are perfect.

I can only imagine what it will be like

When I walk, by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When you face is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

Surrounded by you glory

What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
Then Allen spoke.  He talked about baptizing Andrew in the horse trough at church.  He talked about how competitive Andrew was (especially with Matt) and even made a great statement by telling Matt that when he gets to Heaven Andrew will be waiting with a big grin saying, "I beat you here!"  Allen also reminded everyone that God's love, grace, and mercy have no end and He always has a plan.
We closed with Andrew and Ashley singing Amazing Grace and then said goodbye to everyone as they exited.  I was incredibly touched with the number of people who truly cared about Andrew and our family.  We are so blessed.  It's sad a tragedy has to remind us how many people God has placed in our lives, but it is also humbling to know there are no boundaries to what those people will do for you as well.
I am forever grateful to those people who made our tribute to Andrew so memorable.  Thank you all so much for your love, prayers, and thoughtfulness.

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